Humming noise

After years of tears, months of pain, days of silence I still have trouble getting over it. How can a single person have so much affect on your life? And in such a negative way? I have spent so much time praying that He takes the memories away. Burn the still pictures from my mind. I can still hear his voice in the worst moments. I replay the scariest moments sometimes, unable to stop once they start. I find my self having flash backs, almost like I went to war. In a way I did. Some know things that happened in those 4 years, and some horror stories I'm too embarrassed to tell.

How did I let my self get so far in? How did I let him cut me so deep? I see these other poor girls stuck in the same spiral, unable to get out, pulled back in. More flashbacks. Breaks my heart. I want to share my story with other women, in hopes that I can help even just one get out or never allow her self in a situation like that. I thought after the papers were signed his voice inside my head was gone, and for a while it was. But I hear it again recently. Like the worst kind of devil on your shoulder. The one that knows your weaknesses. The one who weaves through your insecurities and wraps around them so tightly like a boa, squeezing your own sanity from you. Going on three years now of 'freedom' and he still scares to me my core.
Someone so unpredictable, is one of the scariest things alive. To predict the worst, because I have witnessed him do it. Lord give me strength. Take this pain from my hands. Break the hold he has over me. Cut the ropes he has tied on my thoughts. Speak louder than his voice. Thank you for helping me remove me and my baby out of there. Saving him. Saving me, again. And Lord, watch over my living angel you sent me. Keep him safe, bring him home to remind me there is good in this world you created. And that I will never have to be there again.